Humility doesn't announce itself. Yet, we Orthodox are tempted to upbraid ourselves in front of as many people as possible, in order to gain humility points.
"Brother, I am guilty of this sin too!" "No brother, it is I who am guilty of this sin."
Self-flagellation is the new behavior of the Pharisee. Instead of one fasting on the busy street corner, or praying loudly for others to see… we now attack ourselves as visibly as possible, for as many as possible to see.
One wonders what St. Gabriel, fool for Christ, would have had to say to us.
Father Gabriel was never squeamish about sinners. He loved them, and easily forgave every weakness, but he was strict with arrogant people. He could sense hypocrisy immediately and had no tolerance for primness or formalities.
For example, if someone said, "I am a sinner" or "Forgive me" merely as a formality, he always had ways of curing such habits. First, he would praise the person to the skies, and then he would berate him in no uncertain language. Sometimes he would make you kneel for hours.
— Kirill Chernorizov, Great Art Thou, O Lord! The Life and Preaching of St Gabriel Urgebadze
What is actually the point of this? Does this exercise actually bring one to humility? Or does it bring one to pride and vainglory, imagining oneself to be a saint?
The same people that go on and on about a demonic silence and indifference we are to exercise (that the saints don't teach) are the ones that are the first to open their mouths to gain humility points.
The people that do this, fiercely compete to see who can demean themselves more.
When the saints called themselves the chief of sinners, they were convicted by it. These words were the fruit of them reaching a high state of sanctity, not something they forced out of their mouths, them lying to obtain glory from others.
Does the world not think more highly of us when we engage in this behavior?
What is the quickest way one can be seen positively?
- Constantly talk about how sinful we are in front of everyone they meet.
- Not rock the boat in anything
Now if they had attained such a high level of sanctity through prayer that they didn't care about anything worldly, then I would be the first to kiss their feet. But they're only indifferent, they don't want to rock the boat.
— St. Paisios the Athonite, Spiritual Awakening, pg. 25
When we have this disposition, we try to make everything about us. Someone could be talking about one who commits genocide, and then we'll say:
"No brother, it is I who commit spiritual genocide with my sins."
There is great, great pride in this. Continuously trying to draw attention to ourselves.
We believe we are spiritually meek, but rather, we are deeply uncomfortable with any acknowledgment of evil (demonic indifference) and so we shift the conversation away from this, back to self-flagellation, because we also need to let others know how good of a person we are.
If we want to self-flagellate so badly, let's start by admitting to ourselves that we don't pray ceaselessly. Admit that we don't really believe our I'm so sinful talk. We don't believe it for a second.
What is true humility?
True humility is the person who knows they can't go for a second without communion with God through prayer.
The humble man trusts not in himself, and so he constantly seeks the help of God, and constantly remains in his prayer.
— St. Ignatius Brianchaninov, The Field
Do you have that humility? If you don't, shut up. Stop talking about yourself.
True humility is not taking offense. If you are still offended by what people say about you, you don't truly have humility… so shut up. Stop announcing something to others you don't really have.
If we had a pure heart we would not be offended even if people insulted and derided us. The fact that we are offended, bothered, embittered, shows that our heart is not pure.
— Geronda Ephraim of Arizona, Counsels from the Holy Mountain
If your blood is boiling reading these words because you are taking offense… congratulations: you are not humble.
Our law is such: the one who indulges our self-assertive human pride, the one who pleases our passions is good and our best friend, but the one who speaks to us even one word of reproach, even if it contains salvific truth, immediately becomes our enemy.
— Archbishop Averky, On Resisting Evil, Orthodox Life Vol. 63, No. 1
True humility is not grumbling about circumstances that God allows to happen. We can talk about these things, we can exercise discernment and say particular things are evil, incorrect, but grumbling is not God-pleasing.
What is the good of troubles for them? They do not bear them with thanksgiving, but they only increase their sins by grumbling, despondency, blasphemy against God, and despair.
— St. Ignatius Brianchaninov, The Arena
True humility is not praying for God to take away the suffering he allows in his infinite wisdom. True humility is acknowledging that what you've been given is what you need, and simply praying for the strength to overcome it.
Humility hopes in God, not on itself or on other people, and so a humble person is simple, direct, firm, and noble in his behavior. The blind world calls such behavior proud.
— St. Ignatius Brianchaninov, The Field
The truly humble person is direct, firm, and acts in a way that causes the world to call them proud. Are we doing that, or do we govern our actions to people please?
Humility […] never tries to please men.
— St. Ignatius Brianchaninov, The Field
If you know your self-flagellating pleases men and brings honor to you, why are you still doing it?
As beneficial as it is for you to upbraid yourself and condemn yourself of sinfulness before God, it is very harmful to do so before people. If we do so, we will begin to think very highly of ourselves, we will believe ourselves to be humble, and we will announce this fact to the blind world.
— St. Ignatius Brianchaninov, The Field
When the saints did this, they did it under certain circumstances. They did it privately to a particular person. They did it so that the hearts of the proud in front of them would soften. They truly felt these things, and it was a product of their sanctity. They did these things with a holy unawareness, not simply to curry favor.
But when thou doest alms, let not thy left hand know what thy right hand doeth:
— Matthew 6:3 (KJV)
Self-praise and self-deprecation are two sides of the same coin.
Self-importance is as wily as the devil and cleverly conceals itself behind humble words, settling itself firmly in the heart so that we swing between self-deprecation and self-praise.
— St Theophan the Recluse
Humility is not simply going on and on about how sinful we are.
Humility is not talking about our shortcomings...
— St. Alexandra the Passion Bearer
If we are honest, we will discern the real reason why people engage in self-deprecation and feeling guilty.
Humility doesn't mean self-deprecation. It doesn't mean that you should enjoy being guilty of everything and at all times. Humility is the pursuit of God. It is when you commend yourself in God's hands so that He could come and start managing your life as He pleases.
— Archpriest Pavel Velikanov
They engage in this because they enjoy it. They imagine humility in their mind to be self-deprecation. So the more they self-deprecate (especially in front of people), the more the image of their humility is bolstered.
We should know people based on their fruits, and not by their supposed humility, as even false prophets have sweet, humble words.
False prophets are always cunning, and so the Lord commands us to be especially careful with them. False prophets are known by their fruits— their manner of life, their deeds, and by the consequences of their actions. Do not be impressed by their effective speeches and sweet words, by their quiet voices, as if they were truly meek, humble, and full of love; do not be impressed by the pleasant smiles that play on their lips and faces, do not be fooled by their geniality and the servility that practically streams from their eyes.
— St. Ignatius Brianchaninov, The Field
Do you want to acquire humility? Drop the self-deprecation act, accept all the circumstances given to you joyfully, as due recompense for your sins.
Can the person who has at the beginning determined himself to be worthy of all sorrows ever feel any sorrow?
— St. Ignatius Brianchaninov, The Field
This is much harder than simply abusing, debasing, and upbraiding yourself in public to gain humility points.
False humility is always connected with external manifestations—it wants to make itself seen in public.
— St. Ignatius Brianchaninov, The Field
Conclusion
The following perfectly summarizes the topic.
The humble-minded must not show his humility through “humble-wordedness.” It is enough for him to say “I am sorry,” or “pray for me.” He must not also strive to do anything demeaning—this is the same as the first, and it leads to vanity, it hinders spiritual progress, and is more harmful than good;
— St. John the Prophet, Answer 275, from Answers of St Barsanuphius and the Prophet John.
Through the prayers of St. Ignatius Brianchaninov, St. John the Prophet, St. Theophan the Recluse, St. Paisios, and our fathers among the saints, Geronda Ephraim and Archbishop Averky, O Lord Jesus Christ our God, have mercy on us and save us. Amen.